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Sunday, 12 April 2015

Sort of a Hiatus but...Not Really

Hey, everyone! I've been absent for a week. Maybe two.


During this sudden hiatus, I thought a lot. About everything. About life, my blog, the impending exams of doom that I'm not completely positive I am prepared for and I realized that my problem is myself. I create my own disasters, the metaphoric personal hell is a phantasm conjured by me to give reason for why things don't go the way that I want them to. The fact of the matter is things don't go the way I want them to simply because I am lazy, or rather, I am so consumed by all the technological distractions present that I procrastinate everything. Ah, procrastination, the dreadful thing. To be honest, this post was procrastinated ad I had no idea what I was going to write before I started drafting it.

The issue that is at the forefront of my mind is school. For the past few months, I've been slacking, a lot, not studying as much I should, as much as is necessary and I guess I'm starting to feel the ghastly effects of my decisions. I have exams in less than a month and not the ones that I can fail, laugh about and move on from. They're serious and I need to do well and...I am terrified, I've realized. I feel like I am behind everyone else, particularly in Advanced Math and Physics and I just do not want to do badly because...because, well, my classmates and most people that I come in contact with (not even being cocky) assume that I am "that girl". You know, the boring, stick-in-the-mud, doesn't-go-to-parties one who spends all of her time studying and gets good grades. The truth is, studying isn't really my thing, I leave everything for the last minute and then, I cram knowledge into my brain.I have a somewhat good memory and even though my mind rebels at the idea that I've been stereotyped and people presume that my "brilliant" future is decided, I yearn to exceed because it is just my nature.

I have come to terms with the fact that I am an overachiever, a lackadaisical one but one who at the end, tries her best even in steep three-weeks-until-exams situations like this one. All of my time needs to be devoted to studying right now, to catching up, to doing better and I can't do that if my number one focus in life is my blog and its happenings. I love my blog and I want it to grow, more than anything, I want to watch it thrive and know that my hard work allows for this but I can't...not at this moment.

This is not a hiatus.

Not at all.

I promise that I will still post, probably not as regularly as I would like but at least once a week until the end of May. I feel stuck, in a tough position because I do not want to do this but I have to. I know that I have a million and one review books to read and I will read, hopefully, during this "blogging but not really" time. I will read and study and ace these stupid but necessary little tests that society throws my way to determine how intelligent I am and I will devote myself to my blog and expanding it and making it the most frickin' beautiful thing you've ever seen.

That's all I wanted to say. Also that I love anyone who takes the time out of their day to read what I write and until my next blog post...remember that. :)


4 comments:

  1. I completely understand this post. I'm an overachiever too. I love to burn myself out with whatever I do. Somehow, I achieved 90's in all subjects and anyone who tells you its hard, doesn't know the half of it. GETTING the 90's is only half the battle. The other half is maintaining them. I'm feeling really stressed about it and I totally understand how you feel too.

    Like you, I'm over hiatuses [I took a six month hiatus last year] and I just want to be able to chill with both school and blogging. Hoping that you have the same luck!

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  2. Procrastinators unite! ....er, later.

    This all sounds incredibly familiar. Been there, done that. You really sound exactly like me back when I was in school. Anyway, life is full of this-- having to choose between what you're passionate about, and what you need to do to get by. Unfortunately, most of the time the getting by bit has to take precedence so that you have more opportunity to do what you're passionate about... later. So maybe the problem is not so much that you're a procrastinator as it is that you don't appreciate the enforced procrastination of the things you love. Does that even make sense?

    I just wanted to say, though, that this will all pass much quicker than you think it will. Summer will come soon. You do get summer break there, don't you? In the meantime, it sounds like you've made the right choice, as sucky as it may feel. So the main thing between here and there is to take care of yourself, allow yourself some downtime, and try to let all the stress go. The stress is the worst bit, and you really don't need it. What I do (still): 1. Tackle the bit I don't want to do head-on. 2. Reward myself with something I love doing... for a little bit. (No thinking about work.) 3. Repeat.

    Good luck with everything. I know you'll do just fine. And at the end, the blog will still be here, we'll still be here, and you'll wipe the sweat off your brow and settle back into everything with a big grin on your face. :)

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    Replies
    1. Reading this comment made me so happy! Thanks for understanding my crazy dilemma, Kate :)

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