During this sudden hiatus, I thought a lot. About everything. About life, my blog, the impending exams of doom that I'm not completely positive I am prepared for and I realized that my problem is myself. I create my own disasters, the metaphoric personal hell is a phantasm conjured by me to give reason for why things don't go the way that I want them to. The fact of the matter is things don't go the way I want them to simply because I am lazy, or rather, I am so consumed by all the technological distractions present that I procrastinate everything. Ah, procrastination, the dreadful thing. To be honest, this post was procrastinated ad I had no idea what I was going to write before I started drafting it.
The issue that is at the forefront of my mind is school. For the past few months, I've been slacking, a lot, not studying as much I should, as much as is necessary and I guess I'm starting to feel the ghastly effects of my decisions. I have exams in less than a month and not the ones that I can fail, laugh about and move on from. They're serious and I need to do well and...I am terrified, I've realized. I feel like I am behind everyone else, particularly in Advanced Math and Physics and I just do not want to do badly because...because, well, my classmates and most people that I come in contact with (not even being cocky) assume that I am "that girl". You know, the boring, stick-in-the-mud, doesn't-go-to-parties one who spends all of her time studying and gets good grades. The truth is, studying isn't really my thing, I leave everything for the last minute and then, I cram knowledge into my brain.I have a somewhat good memory and even though my mind rebels at the idea that I've been stereotyped and people presume that my "brilliant" future is decided, I yearn to exceed because it is just my nature.
I have come to terms with the fact that I am an overachiever, a lackadaisical one but one who at the end, tries her best even in steep three-weeks-until-exams situations like this one. All of my time needs to be devoted to studying right now, to catching up, to doing better and I can't do that if my number one focus in life is my blog and its happenings. I love my blog and I want it to grow, more than anything, I want to watch it thrive and know that my hard work allows for this but I can't...not at this moment.
This is not a hiatus.
Not at all.
I promise that I will still post, probably not as regularly as I would like but at least once a week until the end of May. I feel stuck, in a tough position because I do not want to do this but I have to. I know that I have a million and one review books to read and I will read, hopefully, during this "blogging but not really" time. I will read and study and ace these stupid but necessary little tests that society throws my way to determine how intelligent I am and I will devote myself to my blog and expanding it and making it the most frickin' beautiful thing you've ever seen.
That's all I wanted to say. Also that I love anyone who takes the time out of their day to read what I write and until my next blog post...remember that. :)